What to Do If Your Date is Overly Defensive?

Your transgender dating relationship is stable and loyal. Your partner makes you truly happy, and you stand the test of time. You won't change too much, but there's one thing... Whenever he does something that upsets you, whenever you need to discuss something, he is too defensive, crosses his arms and can't accept any constructive criticism. When he does something wrong, you can't talk to him, and you don't know how to communicate with him. When people face their actions, if they do something wrong, they will feel completely defeated and admit that it will make them very uncomfortable. Therefore, they can't listen to your voice and speech like normal people, but resort to silent treatment and/or accuse you of constantly picking on them. Unfortunately, you can't change a person's behavior and reaction to your conversation in trans dating, but you can change the way you talk to them. So here are some ingenious techniques to help you talk to your over-defensive partner and find a peaceful way to communicate.

1. Avoid "blame language"

Don't use things like "You did it..." Or "You didn't listen to me, again..." Don't use phrases like "always" or "never". This leaves your partner with no choice but to feel blamed and isolated. These are critical and immediately force a person to take a defensive stance when it comes to trans hookup. Instead, try to tell them how you feel and how their actions affect you. Instead of pointing, make it clear that you have a feeling that you wish it wasn't. This may allow your partner to reassess his behavior and relax his vigilance.

2. Start a conversation with a positive attitude

The important thing is to let them know how important they are to you before you blame them. You don't want to lose them. You can say, "I'm telling you this just because I care deeply about you and hope it lasts." Make your partner feel like it's coming from a positive place. All you have to do is find a solution so that you can heal and move forward. They don't need to keep hearing how they screwed up, it just brings them closer. Be kind to them, be hopeful about their solutions, and let them know how grateful you are for their efforts to improve the situation.

3. Make yourself vulnerable and take on your responsibilities

Share your vulnerability with him and let him know that you are not unfamiliar with trouble making. If any part of it is your fault - admit it. This will allow your partner to see him in a safe place, without guilt, and he will begin to relax and become more likely to engage in healthy discussions. He needs to feel safe rather than judged, which will help overcome his defensive stance.

4. Don't undermine their right to feel in some way.

Never deprive a person of the right to feel himself. Everyone has the right to have their own emotions. Just because it's not ideal for you, it won't make them ineffective. So let your man know that you respect his feelings and never want to belittle them. But at the same time, explain how it affects your relationship and let him see that you also have emotions. They obviously don't mix, so your only goal is to find a middle ground and respect each other so that your emotions come to the surface.